Marriage, Divorce, Remarriage – Part 2
(congregation clapping) Amen, amen. Thank you, Pastor Brigham. Thank you, worship team. Ushers come with an outline for anyone who missed one on the way in. If you need an outline, raise your hand and they will get one to you straight away. Greetings to our brothers and sisters in Winthrop, at our Winthrop campus. So grateful to God for you and our partnership together in the gospel of Jesus Christ here in the North Shore. Parents, there's a meeting tonight at 6:30 in the multipurpose room.
If you have students in grades five to 12, teenagers in grades five to 12, there is an open house tonight, 6:30 in the multipurpose room for you to come and learn more about our youth ministry. Questions that you might have and also how you can be involved. The secret to a successful youth ministry is parent involvement. Some of you missed that. The secret to a successful youth ministry is parent involvement.
Amen. Amen, amen, so come out tonight, parents and be here with us. Carman, where's Carman? I saw Carman. Happy birthday, happy birthday, God bless you, amen. (congregation clapping) First time visitors, Jacquie and I look forward to meeting in the welcome center. Forgive me for making this a sorta little sermonette here. I have to do it every once in a great while, but we have this welcome center where Jacquie and I meet first time visitors.
(congregation laughing) Or I did, we did add an exception clause in there. If you've never introduced yourself to me. If I've never personally met you, please come and otherwise, happy for you to make an appointment. (congregation laughing) But that's not a time that I can counsel. It's not a time that I can even pray for you, as horrible as that sounds. We have 10 other pastors and a whole host of altar workers here who will pray for you and they are more anointed and more powerful prayer people than I am, I promise you. So, thanks for understanding. (congregation laughing) Hey, we've been working our way through Mark's gospel account of the life and the ministry of Jesus and we came to Mark 10:1-12 last Sunday where Jesus had some things to say about marriage, divorce and remarriage. Last Sunday, we looked primarily at marriage. Today we will look primarily at divorce.
And the Lord willing, next Sunday, we will consider remarriage. So this Sunday, we're gonna address the subject of divorce and we're gonna move over to Matthew's parallel account in Matthew 19 because that account records the, what's referred to as the exception clause in which Jesus addressed the circumstances under which divorce was permissible that's not included in Mark's account, so that's why we're gonna slip over to Matthew 19 and read it there. So turn with me in your Bibles to Matthew 19 or follow along on the screens, if you will. Beginning in verse 3, Some Pharisees came to Him to test Him. They're gonna be testing Jesus on His stance regarding marriage and divorce. But they don't really care about the truth. They don't really care about God's ideal. They're just looking for an excuse. I heard about two well-known pastors. These are, this is a true story. At least one of them I know is still living and they were having a discussion about marriage and divorce and remarriage.
And one pastor asked the other pastor because he was renowned for his teaching on marriage, said, Do you believe in the exception clause? And the pastor said, No, I don't believe in the exception clause. He said, Well, how can you not believe in the exception clause? Jesus taught the exception clause. He says, well, he says, and he was visiting this pastor on his great farm, had a big spread over 100 acres and in this one area, he had all these geese in this section, that he kept these geese, dozens and dozens of geese. He says, You see that fence there? He says, Ever once in a while, somehow they'll come a breach in the fence. They'll be a hole in that fence and all the geese will try to escape through that hole.
And he said, That's how it is with marriage. If you give an exception, all the geese are gonna try to get through that hole. (congregation laughing) Now, whatever he was saying may be true for geese but it has nothing to do with the subject of marriage and divorce, okay? Although it does speak to human nature and our tendency to look for an excuse anywhere we can find it. Hello? No, it's okay. I know what I'm preaching on today. Not expecting a lot of amens. (congregation laughing) I ate my spiritual Wheaties this morning. (congregation laughing) I plowed through the first service. I'm gonna plow through this service and I'm gonna plow through one more at 12:30. (congregation clapping and cheering) Some Pharisees came to Him to test Him. They asked, Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason? You see, there were two popular teachings at the time, 2000 years ago, two schools of thought. Those who followed one rabbi who taught that divorce for any reason was acceptable. I mentioned this, I mentioned this last Sunday that at that time, the religious leaders had taken Moses' permission for divorce and they had expanded on it to the point where a man could divorce his wife.
Now women really didn't have very many rights and of course, they weren't really in a position to do much about a bad marriage, but the men could divorce their wife for just about anything, including burning the toast. (congregation laughing) Now ladies, if men start filing divorce every time dinner gets burned, well… Someone said in the first service, Don't go there, Pastor. (congregation laughing) Or if ladies, wives could start filing divorce every time their husband was late for dinner. (congregation laughing) Somebody else said, Don't go there.
Okay, so anyway, the point is you could get divorced for anything and everything. That was one school of thought. Another school of thought was that there's only one ground for divorce and that's sexual immorality. Verse 4, Jesus talking. Haven't you read, He replied, that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female and said, For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. Based on those words from Jesus, we made the case last Sunday that marriage is a lifelong covenant commitment between a man and a woman for life as the two become one, united in Christ and united for His purposes and His glory and His honor. And you cannot, once you have become one in Christ, you can't become un-one. You're one. That is God's ideal. But read on. Verse 7, Why then, they asked, did Moses command.
Now watch this, because Jesus is gonna correct their usage of the word, command, here. Why then, they asked, did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away? Jesus replied, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were? Hard. Hard. We'll come back to this later in the message but at the root of every single divorce is hardness of heart. At the root of every one of them. But it was not that way from the beginning.
In other words, Jesus says, That was not God's ideal. Verse 9, I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another woman commits adultery. So there's the exception clause. And I love verse 10. I love how the disciples responded in verse 10. The disciples said to Him, If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it's better not to marry. (congregation laughing) And that is absolutely true. (congregation laughing) In fact, I think if we would take divorce out of the option boxes, divorce is not an option, either we'd have fewer marriages or we'd have a whole lot fewer divorces. Let's pray. Father, what extraordinarily difficult and delicate subject for us to address today. And yet, Lord, it's one that has impacted so many. The percentages even are staggering. Perhaps after the blight of abortion, there's no greater problem for our world, for our country and for the church than that of divorce.
God, You had a perfect ideal for us and yet in our fallen humanity, so many times we fail to meet up to that ideal. We thank You for Your grace. We thank You for Your help and that wherever we find ourself today, Lord Jesus, You are willing to meet us right where we're at today and help us to move forward in Your love, Your grace and Your mercy. Bless these moments we have around Your Word, I pray. Give us an ear to hear. And Father, I pray against the spirit of divorce in the name of Jesus that that spirit will be rebuked and resisted in the hearts of any married people here today. In Jesus' name, amen. Marriage, divorce and remarriage part two. Now some opening comments here as we talk about the difficult and painful subject of divorce. First, this is a three-part sermon series. Please be sure you listen to all three sermons.
Otherwise you'll not get the whole teaching. Last week we looked at marriage and God's ideal for marriage. But God's ideal is often marred by sin and man's failure. That's why we have to talk about divorce today. But this is, this is not a sermon to divorced people today. This is a sermon to married people and/or to people, married people considering divorce. But this is not a sermon to bash those who have gone through the horror, the pain and the anguish of a divorce.
Nor is it to heap guilt upon anyone who's had the tragic experience of going through a divorce. In fact, those who are divorced will tell you that in most cases, they are the ones heaping guilt upon themselves, wrestling with feelings of self-condemnation, second guessing what if anything they could have done to save their marriage. Surely you don't need some preacher or self-righteous Pharisee judging you and adding to your pain today. So if you're divorced or remarried and you're asking yourself today, well Pastor, where do I stand in regard to the church? You stand at the foot of the cross of Jesus right beside the rest of us sinners. We are all sinners saved by grace. Your sin may be divorce. My sin may be anger and unforgiveness but none of us are gonna get to heaven or have peace of mind and heart here on earth unless we repent of our sins and lean into Jesus for all the grace and help and strength we can get. Amen. So nobody is looking down their nose at anybody today. Amen. So let's talk about a biblical view toward divorce.
And by the way, don't believe everything you hear about the statistics on divorce. Typically when we talk about the divorce rate, people say what percentage of marriages end in divorce? About 50%. But in fact, a recent study, a Harvard study nonetheless has found that only about 25% of first marriages end in divorce. We get to that 50% mark because of second and third marriages because every time you remarry, the statistics statistically speaking, the odds of you getting divorced again increase greatly. And the study also found that in Christian couples with Christian couples and they define a Christian couple as a couple who reads their Bible and prays together and goes to church regularly. Less than 15% of Christian couples get divorced. So give Jesus first place in your heart, your lives and your home and the statistical odds on your marriage just went way way up. Amen. Now, let's look at four prominent views about divorce and remarriage. And I have mentioned most of these resources at the bottom of your outline, particularly one book that addresses these four prominent views. The first view is no divorce under any circumstances and I'm only gonna go through the first three real quick and then camp on the fourth one which is where we'll spend most of our time.
First view is no divorce under circumstances. This view is that marriage is a lifelong covenant that can only be separated by death. Marriage is supposed to be a picture of the union between Christ and His church and so Jesus would never divorce His church. Therefore, we should never divorce each other. And yet did you know that God gave Israel a certificate of divorce in Jeremiah 3:8? Did you know that was in the Bible? And of course in Deuteronomy 24:1-4, we have the permission that Moses was given to give to the Israelites for divorce in the Old Testament days. So if God allowed for divorce under the Old Testament law, it does not seem like He would have been even less loving and considerate of man's failures under New Testament grace. Even so, some argue for no divorce under any circumstances.
A second prominent view is divorce, in some cases, divorce is your only option, but you do not have permission to remarry. In other words, same idea as the first. You're committed to one another in this covenant of marriage. It could only be broken by death. And so what you have here in some cases is a situation where, and of course, we're talking primarily here about believers, those who profess faith in Christ.
The world doesn't really give a rip about what the Bible has to say. And so, this person may feel, even though they had justifiable reasons for getting divorced, they just don't feel a release to get married, and so they commit to living the rest of their life as a single person. Again, that's not my view but I support those who feel like that's what God has called them to do and can point to many many men and a lot of women who have chosen to just say, you know what, as long as my ex-husband is still alive, I'm not even gonna consider it.
I'll just give myself to the Lord and whatever His desires are for my life. There's a third view and we'll touch on this a little bit more next week when we talk about remarriage and that's the view that divorce is terrible but it happens, so grace covers it all. And this is sort of a any excuse is a good excuse to get divorced and this view argues that divorce is sin but if you genuinely repent, then God forgives. Move on to the next marriage. And then we come to the fourth view about conditions for divorce. Divorce, under certain circumstances. And this is where probably a large number of us would sit today. First, what are some of these biblical reasons for divorce? And the first and most obvious is infidelity and sexual immorality. You've got Matthew 5:32, Matthew 19:9, Mark 10:11-12, Luke 16:18. It's covered in all of the synoptic gospels. Let me read Matthew 19:9 to you again. We read it earlier. This is what Jesus said. He said, I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another woman commits adultery.
Now the word that's used for sexual immorality here is porneia, which is, in the Greek, is not adultery. It's sexual immorality. So it goes beyond simply the act of adultery. It refers to the general idea here is that of ongoing sexual immorality. Not a one-time act or indiscretion, though technically that would meet the qualification for divorce. But we're basically talking here about someone who will not repent and just is engaging in a lifestyle of continued sexual immorality. Jesus says, as I understand it here, that spouse has biblical grounds for divorce. Now what happens in some cases because a spouse wants to divorce their spouse, they try to catch 'em in immorality. Sometimes they entrap them in immorality. Set them up for immorality. But we're basically talking here about a spouse who just has committed to a life of sexual immorality in whatever form that may take. Wives often ask if a husband looking at pornography meets this qualification.
Well, looking at pornography is absolutely sexually immoral. No debate on that. Whether or not Jesus had that in mind when He was talking here, I don't know the answer to that question. But when I hear that question, I think of what Jesus said in Matthew 5:27-28. Matthew 5:27-28, Jesus said, You have heard that it was said, You shall not commit adultery. In other words, Jesus says, okay, let's go back to the 10 commandments. Let's go back to the law. This is what the law says but then Jesus says, I'm gonna take you to a much higher standard 'cause we can't obey the law anyway. We can't, we couldn't keep the 10 commandments. So we get in the New Testament and Jesus gives us only two commandments. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength and love your neighbor as yourself. And then He narrowed it down even more than that. John 13:40, I forget, it's in John, anyway. (congregation laughing) Look that up for me, Pastor Jamie. I'm gonna say John 15:35, but I don't think that's right either.
But anyway, Jesus said, (congregation laughing) A new commandment I give you to love one another. This is how people will know you are My disciples. By our love. So hear me. It always always always comes back to love. It's not about the letter of the law. You can't meet the letter of the law. I can't meet the letter of the law. It always comes back to love. Love for God and love for our spouse. So Jesus says, Well, you have heard that it was said you should not commit adultery. Verse 28, fasten your seatbelt.
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Amen. Well let's just all sign up and get divorced, okay, 'cause we are all (congregation laughing) in a bunch of trouble and we're not just talking about the men here, ladies. You have every bit as much of issues with lust as men do. It comes out differently. It's expressed differently but don't kid yourself for a minute. So Jesus is saying, Be careful if you're trying to get legalistic about this. You'll find a reason to get divorced.
Nobody measures up. So Jesus takes the letter of the law and He raises it to an even higher standard. I suspect that He did not do that to increase the number of qualifications to divorce your spouse. He did it because He's calling us all to rise to a standard that exceeds the letter of the law. He wants us to live in the power of His love and His Spirit. Amen. All of us have fallen short of that mark at least once. Is looking at pornography sexually immoral behavior? Yes, absolutely. Does Jesus consider that grounds for a wife to divorce her husband? I honestly don't know.
But sexual immorality is the first exception clause. Then the second one, not everyone agrees on this as much but much of the evangelical world agrees that abandonment is also grounds for, biblical grounds for divorce. You find this in 1 Corinthians chapter 7 where the Apostle Paul writes, because Jesus didn't address this. Listen, Jesus didn't address everything that we deal with in marriage, and neither did Paul. And we'll get to it in a moment but that's why we get into some areas where it's very complicated, it's very hard. It's not easy to deal with these things. But here in this case, in 1 Corinthians 7:15, Paul writes, But if the unbeliever leaves, and he's talking about a believer who's married to an unbeliever and the presumption here is that they were both unbelievers when they got married. One of them got saved, became a Christian and now the question is well, for the Christian, should I divorce my spouse because they're not a believer? And Paul writes earlier here in 1 Corinthians 7, Absolutely not.
As long as your unbelieving spouse is willing to stay with you, you stay with them. But, then we get to the but, verse 15. 1 Corinthians 7:15. But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances. God has called us to live in peace. Now the Bible scholars are not in complete agreement here as to what not bound may mean and what called to live in peace means. But many believe, perhaps most believe that not being bound means you're not bound in that marriage anymore if the unbeliever leaves. You're called to live in peace. That means you're free to remarry. I'm comfortable with that understanding of that passage. But this is if an unbeliever leaves. But what if a believer leaves? Wow, well it seems to me that it's even a more serious offense if it's a professing believer that leaves their spouse. If it was bad for an unbeliever, if you had permission to let go if an unbeliever left, here you've got someone who's professing to be a believer and they leave.
Here's what Paul writes in 1 Timothy 5:8. He says, Anyone who does not provide for their relatives and especially for their own household has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. So you leave your wife, you leave your husband, you abandoned them, you abandoned that marriage. It seems that there's a release for the person who's been abandoned to move on. Now those are the two that are generally accepted. But there a whole lot of other very difficult situations that are not specifically addressed in scripture. The most significant one perhaps being things in the area of abuse. Verbal, mental and emotional abuse. Physical. We'll get to the physical in a minute.
Help me, let me preach my sermon, thank you. (congregation laughing) I'm just trying to help you. (congregation laughing) I'm trying to help you. (congregation laughing) Are there circumstances in which abuse reaches a point that God might say, okay, you can be extricated from this? First off, I don't know but maybe. Here's the problem, ladies and gentlemen. Everyone's definition of abuse is different. That's the problem. And the wife comes to me and she tells me all of her heartache and how she's being abused. And the husband comes to me and he tells me all of his heartache and how he's being abused.
I'm not God. I don't know. They can't both be telling the truth. But let me tell you this, Jesus knows who's telling the truth. Yes. And you have to answer to Jesus, not to me. That's right. So that's verbal, mental and people say, well Pastor, you know, mental abuse is worse than physical and I understand what they're saying when they say that, but certainly physical abuse is horrific as well. And I cannot believe for one second that our Heavenly Father would want a husband or wife to stay in a situation where they put themselves or their children in harm's way. Amen. Hard for me to believe. I didn't say get divorced. I said, you just can't stay in that situation. You need to get a restraining order. You need to do something to protect your life. And I know we think this just happens with women being abused by their husbands. I'll never forget standing at a church function, a picnic or something and fellow came up to me. Big guy, my size and his wife probably no taller than this.
And just a sweet little Christian. He was not a professing believer but he'd come to church with her every once in a while. But I mean, she was a spitfire. She was, she was something. (congregation laughing) And he said, Pastor Tim, I know I'm not a Christian. I don't understand a lot of things but you know, when my wife, when she's upset, I mean she got so upset with me the other day, she just came up behind me out of the blue with a frying pan and hit me upside the head.
(congregation gasping) He said, Did you tell her it was okay to do that? (congregation laughing) I said, No, of course not. Of course not. So the problems, the challenges we get into, when we get into this because here's the deal. You're so caught up in your pain, you can't see it from anybody else's way but yours. And you come to the pastor and you want the pastor to give you a certificate of divorce. A permission slip to get divorced. I'm not qualified to do that. Which is why, and we'll kind of summarize all of this at the end. Which is why anytime you get divorced, that's between you and your spouse and God, 'cause you got to live with the consequences of that decision. So don't look to the pastor to let you off the hook. But there's all kinds of other issues.
Drugs and alcohol issues. I mean, if someone comes home every night drunk and just terrorizes the family. I mean, how long should you put up with that? Failure to meet needs for intimacy. Man runs off with another woman after 20 years of marriage. That was wrong. That's sexual immorality. That's adultery, yes yes yes. But then you sit down and you find out that they hadn't had sex in 10 years. She reached a point where she refused to respond to him sexually. You say, well, he must have done something to.
Well, why would you automatically jump to that conclusion? Why is it always the guy's fault? Say, Pastor Tim, you're just taking a guy's point of view 'cause you're a guy. (congregation laughing) I'm taking that point of view because I'm a pastor who has sat with hundreds of couples and been to hell and back with all the garbage and junk that goes on. I got news for you. It goes both ways. And many times, the issue wasn't what the husband has done. The issue was what that woman brought into that marriage that had already sort of precluded it going in the direction it should have gone.
And there were issues that never got developed and never got addressed. Does that mean he should have divorced her? I don't know. Does that mean he should have run off with another woman? Absolutely not. It's not what we're saying. What we're saying is these things are difficult and complicated and we need the Holy Spirit's help. Right, amen. So some of these things, you say, Pastor Tim, do I have grounds for divorce? I don't know.
All I do know, the only thing I can speak to is what Jesus and the Apostle Paul spoke to. So assuming, and again, we're assuming, assuming you have biblical grounds for divorce, here are some questions you need to ask. Can flip the page over. We're on the back side of your outline. Assuming you have biblical grounds for divorce, and again, that's a big assumption. Here are some questions you need to ask. Question number one, What is the cause for the impending divorce? And I answered that for you early on. The cause for the impending divorce is? Hardness of heart. Hardness of heart. Hardness of his heart or her heart? Probably both. Probably both. You see, what happens is some offense has taken root and allowed bitterness and hardness of heart to develop so that the problems in your marriage can't even be addressed because of the root of bitterness.
Hebrews 12:14-15 tell us this. Make every effort to live in peace with everyone. That word, everyone, there in the Greek. It includes husband and wife. Make every effort to live in peace with everyone. Plowing on, Jesus, I'm plowing on. (congregation laughing) Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy. Without holiness, no one will see the Lord. Verse 15, See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. Oh the many that are defiled because of the bitterness that leads to divorce. Yes, but he sinned against me. She sinned against me. Well yes, dear one, I understand that. But don't let the sinful offense of your spouse lead you into the sin of bitterness and hardness of heart. Question two, What is your motivation for seeking a divorce? Is it a response to your hurt and pain? Do you know why some people get divorced and remarried over and over and over again? It's because they never healed from their original wounds.
Listen, I understand that when our hearts are broken and deeply wounded, we don't want to hear about restoration or reconciliation. We just want to find a way out of this pain and misery. We just want it all to end. We want an escape and in our haste, and in our pain, we're willing to accept any reason that seems acceptable at the time to get that divorce. But I'm here to tell you that Jesus could bring more healing and bring it more quickly if you'll face the pain.
Face the hurt. Face the trauma rather than running from it. And thankfully Jesus will walk with you through every step of the pain until you are healed by His loving grace and peace and mercy, until you are made whole again. And we will walk with you through the pain as well. That's why we have pastors, that's why we have our Thrive ministry couples here. We have people here ready to help you and walk through your pain together, if you're willing to walk through it. But if you run from it, you're not gonna escape it. Talking about what's the motivation for your divorce. Let me ask you this, is it to get revenge or justice? Hebrews 13:4, Marriage should be honored by all, especially the married. I know it's deep, it's deep. Marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed kept pure. That means protected. For who? God. God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. Leave the judging up to God. He's the only One qualified to do it, to do it fairly and to do it justly.
Or is your reason for wanting a divorce to pursue another lover? Well, of course you're not going to admit that. But let me tell you this. If you already have someone else in mind that you plan to check out after you get divorced or if you are already involved in a relationship with someone other than your spouse, then it is your spouse that has probable grounds for divorce, not you. This is what the husbands were doing in biblical times. This is what Jesus was addressing and it goes all the way back to what Moses was addressing in Deuteronomy 24. They had already found the next woman they want. They're, all right, I'm tired of this woman. I'm gonna move onto the next. I'm gonna give her a divorce and go get, go hook up with this next lady. That's what they were doing.
That's why Jesus said, This is nothing but outright sexual immorality. You're divorcing one woman so you can go marry another. Question three, if you're considering divorce, What are the consequences? And oh my, time does not allow to answer that one, does it? Let me tell you what the consequences are. Much greater than you can possibly imagine. And the fall-out, the fruit of that divorce can reach down through generations. It's interesting that parents often say, well, is it better for our children to be in a, is it better for Mom and Dad to get divorced so they don't see all the arguing and fighting at home? Or would it be better if they just didn't have to be exposed to that? Well, what would be better is if you'd stop arguing and fighting in front of the kids.
If you gotta fight, go fight somewhere else instead of in front of the kids. Be at least that loving for your children's sake. But you don't care about the kids. You wouldn't do what you're doing in front of the kids or use your kids as pawns in your divorce proceedings if you really cared about the kids. Amen. Question four. Musicians, come out. We'll pretend like we're getting close. Can God give me the grace to intercede for my marriage? Answer, absolutely. Amen. God permits divorce but in no place does He endorse it or instruct us to do it. So neither do we. In over 40 years of pastoral ministry, I have never advised someone to get a divorce. I may have said from my understanding of the facts they had biblical grounds for divorce. I have never ever counseled someone to get divorced. So just because you may have biblical grounds for divorce, that does not mean you should necessarily get divorced.
Now, I've been pretty patient with no amens but I'm gonna come back to that one. (congregation laughing) Someone gave me a nice plaque here not too long ago. Said, Can I get an amen? And I need to submit that to the media guys so they can put it up on the screen so that when you don't understand when you're supposed to say amen, I'll have it on the screen. Can I get an amen? Let me read it to you.
Let me read it to you one more time. Just because you have biblical grounds for divorce, that does not mean you should necessarily get divorced. Amen. Or at least not until you are sure you have done everything possible. Amen. To save, restore and reconcile your marriage. (light piano music) That'll mean saying yes to things like forgiveness. How many times do I have to forgive him, Pastor? I don't know. Maybe 70 times 70, according to Jesus? (congregation laughing) All right, we're up to 423.
I mean, I mean, I'm keeping track. (congregation laughing) I don't think that's what Jesus meant. I think He was talking about an infinite number because He's thinking about His overwhelming, never-ending love that chases us down. I was reading a story of Kendall and Starla Bridges. They wrote a book called Better Marriage Against All Odds. It's the first book in your reference list there. Assemblies of God couple, born and raised in Assemblies of God churches, both of them preachers' kids. Got married, pastoring a great church in Houston. Tearing it up for Jesus and he had an affair, lost, of course lost their church, lost everything, lost everything. And in one of her moments of heartbreak in her prayer closet, just weeping and crying out to God, she said, God, I did everything like You said I should do it.
I was a virgin when I got married. I married a minister of God. I did everything I thought I should. How could You let me marry a man knowing he was gonna be unfaithful to me? Here's what she heard God say. I'm just quoting her. God said to her, No one's ever been faithful to Me. No one's ever been faithful to Me. Phew. Before you get divorced, say yes to God. Say yes to forgiveness. As spelled out for us in Ephesians 4:29-32, here's what Paul writes. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths. Talkin' to Christians. Not preaching this to unbelievers.
Preaching this to believers. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Verse 30, Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Verse 31, Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Then verse 32. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Give to your spouse what God has given to you.
Grace and forgiveness. I could tell you countless stories of where one spouse had biblical grounds for divorce but they loved God and they loved their spouse. They loved their family too much to give up on their marriage. I could tell you story after story after story. And no, they all don't end happily after ever. But I can tell you story after story. One comes to mind. Good friends and part of this church many years ago. Living in a different part of the country now and one day, inexplicably, the wife just gets up and leaves her husband for another man. Well, he must have done something that provoked it. Maybe he did. One sin doesn't make another one right. Hello? Amen. And we talked by phone and by text and prayed. And he said, Pastor, I'm not gonna give up on my wife. I'm not gonna give up on my marriage. Now listen, if my wife had left me for another man, I can't put myself in those shoes.
I have no ability to comprehend what Tim Schmidt would do. Oh, you're a pastor, (muttering) but… (congregation laughing) I'm a man. (congregation laughing) My wife runs off with another man! His days on this earth could be short. (congregation laughing) Just being real with you today. Said Pastor, I'm not gonna give up on her. And I gotta be honest with you. My faith was eh, but I said, we're gonna pray together. We're gonna believe together. And one day she just came home. What? She just, what'd you do? She just came home. Because we serve a God who has an overwhelming, never-ending love for us. Amen. And so should we have the same for one another. (congregation clapping) Hallelujah. Someone is saying, This is hard, Pastor. What you're teaching and what you're suggesting we should do today to try to save our marriages. This is hard. And to that, I would say, of course it is. But then again, divorce should not be easy. And part of our problem in today's society including the church world is that in a concession to the world's way of doing things, we have made divorce easy.
Quick and easy and even inexpensive. 299.95, I mean, you can get lawyers online any time. (congregation laughing) Quick, easy divorce. No such thing as an easy divorce. Yes, there are biblical grounds for divorce, but a whole lot of people get divorced without biblical grounds. Hard to know what percentage. Perhaps most divorces are not on biblical grounds. Consequently, I'm gonna ask some of you to do something today as we conclude this message and whereas at the beginning of the sermon, I said, I'm not speaking to divorced people, right now I am speaking to divorced people, whether you're divorced or divorced and remarried. I'm speaking to people who've been divorced. And what I'm about to say will have application to some of you, not to all of you. What I'm gonna ask some of you to do something that's very hard.
And that is to repent for divorce that never should have taken place. You did not have biblical grounds for divorce and you know it. I'm not asking you to renounce your current marriage if you've already remarried. The Bible does not teach that. In fact, again, the Bible specifically teaches you to stay married. You've entered into a new relationship, a new covenant.
But some of you got divorced that never should have been divorced and you've never asked God to forgive you for that sin. You were just in a hurry to get rid of him or to get rid of her and you found out, whether you've been remarried or two or three times, you never quite get rid of all that stuff back there. Has a way of following you. There's ghosts in your marriage. There's baggage you're still carrying. And part of it may be, part of it may be, you've never received God's grace for your life now because you never repented over your life then. So much pain, so much hurt, so much heartache. But here's the thing, we can't receive His grace and forgiveness until we acknowledge that we've sinned. But when we do, if we confess our sins, He's faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us.
And I can tell you because of what I saw happen in the first service, it can happen right here today too. If you'll confess that sin and acknowledge your part in the divorce, especially a divorce that for which there were no biblical grounds, if you'll acknowledge your sin in that, ask God to forgive you, He'll pour His grace out into your heart and life, and you can leave here a much different person. Would you stand with me? I'm gonna close like I did last Sunday, praying for people. Our altar workers are gonna be here. If you don't know Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior, hey, let me just put it to you straight. You need Jesus. Would you just come down here today, pray with someone? They'll help you surrender your heart and life to Christ. But I want to pray for marriages right now and I want to give those who've been through a divorce to take a moment with God. So don't rush out of here. Please don't rush out of here.
Take a moment. We're gonna close, singing that chorus about the overwhelming love of God. Take a moment to let God work in your heart and soul and spirit. Be honest with Him today, maybe in ways that you've never ever been honest before. Let's pray. Father, in the name of Jesus, Lord, I pray for every marriage that is here today. Lord, I know how real the spirit of divorce is. It's not something we just make up to sound dramatic. There's a demonic spirit of divorce that comes over couples, looks for an angle, a root of bitterness that can then become the fulcrum to bring all kinds of division and devastation in that home and marriage and family. And Lord Jesus, You know whether or not within the hearing of my voice today there are couples here whose marriage is hanging by a thread. O God, may that marriage be strengthened as they reach out to join hands with You. And in Your love and in Your grace and in Your mercy and in Your forgiveness and in Your compassion, may they find the help and the hope they need to dare to believe that their best days are yet ahead of them.
They're not gonna quit on You, God. They're not gonna quit on their marriage because You're not gonna quit on 'em either. Minister that grace to them today, I pray. And now, Father, for those who again maybe they feel like I snuck up on 'em today and hit 'em from upside the back of the head with a frying pan. But they went through a divorce maybe last year, maybe 10 years ago. They really didn't have biblical grounds for divorce but in their pain and in their hurry to just escape it all, they went through with that divorce and today, Jesus, You've called them to a place of accountability. You've called them to a place of acknowledging their sin, not so that You can punish them. They've already been dealing with the punishment or the consequences of that decision. Lord, You want to free them from all of that. You want to release them and restore them and give them all the good things that You had for them.
But it begins with humbling themselves and repenting. Say Jesus, I sinned. In my hurt, in my pain, in my anger, in my unforgiveness, I sinned by getting that divorce and I ask You to forgive me today, Jesus. I ask You to begin a new healing process in my heart and in my life. That whatever relationship I may be in now, it'll be a million times better because we've dealt with the past in Jesus' name..
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Marriage, Divorce, Remarriage – Part 2 — No Comments
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